Holiday stress and family conflict can turn a Thanksgiving gathering into something everyone dreads instead of enjoys.
This year, some families may arrive at the table carrying more than casseroles and pie. An election can leave people feeling relieved, disappointed, worried, angry or simply exhausted. And people who love each other can have very different reactions to the same events.
You do not have to settle every disagreement before passing the potatoes.
In fact, one of the healthiest choices may be deciding that Thanksgiving dinner does not need to become another debate.
This week on Living Well with Healthy Connections, we are talking about something many families understand: how to share a table with people you care about when you do not share the same views.
The goal is not to convince everyone to agree.
The goal is to protect relationships, recognize when stress is affecting your health and know when it may be time to ask for support.
Holiday Stress and Family Conflict Can Start Before Dinner
Sometimes the argument begins long before anyone sits down at the table.
It can start in a family group text. A social media comment. A news story someone forwards. A conversation about who won, who lost or what might happen next.
If you already know certain subjects tend to create conflict, there is nothing wrong with addressing that before the gathering.
A simple message may be enough:
“We’re looking forward to seeing everyone. Could we give politics a rest during dinner and just enjoy being together?”
That is not refusing to acknowledge that people disagree. It is setting a boundary around when and where the disagreement needs to happen.
The American Psychological Association notes that holiday gatherings can bring people together with sharply conflicting views and recommends thinking carefully about whether engaging in an argument will actually accomplish anything useful.
Read the American Psychological Association’s guidance on family arguments during the holidays
You Are Allowed to Change the Subject
Not every statement requires a response.
That can be difficult to remember when someone says something you strongly disagree with, especially when the subject feels personal or important.
You can acknowledge what someone said without starting a debate.
Try:
“I know this matters to you. We see it differently. Let’s talk about something else.”
Or simply:
“I don’t think we’re going to solve this over Thanksgiving dinner.”
Then change the subject.
Ask about the grandchildren. Football. Work. A trip someone took. The dessert sitting on the counter.
Changing the subject is not the same as admitting someone else is right. Sometimes it is simply choosing the relationship over the argument.
Decide What Matters More in That Moment
There are times when difficult conversations are necessary.
Thanksgiving dinner does not automatically have to be one of them.
Before responding, it can help to ask yourself a few questions:
- Is this conversation likely to lead anywhere productive?
- Is the other person actually interested in listening?
- Am I calm enough to have this conversation well?
- Will saying this now make the gathering better?
- Is this the right setting for the discussion?
You may decide the issue deserves a thoughtful conversation another day.
You may also decide that keeping the peace during a family meal matters more than getting the last word.
Both can be reasonable choices.
Taking a Break Is an Option
Sometimes a conversation becomes heated despite everyone’s best intentions.
You do not have to remain at the table until someone wins.
Step into another room. Help in the kitchen. Take a short walk. Play with the grandchildren. Check on something outside.
A brief change of environment can give everyone an opportunity to cool down.
The American Psychological Association also recommends recognizing your own limits during the holidays and finding ways to manage expectations and stress rather than assuming every gathering must be perfect.
Learn more about managing holiday stress from the American Psychological Association
The News Can Follow You to Bed
Family disagreement is only one source of stress.
The constant stream of headlines, notifications, commentary, predictions and social media posts can make it difficult to mentally leave an election behind.
You might close the app and still be thinking about what you read an hour later.
For some people, that worry begins affecting sleep.
If you notice yourself repeatedly checking the news late at night, consider setting a stopping point. Put the phone down. Turn off notifications that are not necessary. Give yourself time between consuming news and trying to sleep.
Staying informed does not require being connected every minute of the day.
And if stress, worry or anxiety is regularly interfering with sleep or everyday life, it is worth talking about with a healthcare professional.
Stress Is Part of Health
Mental health and physical health are connected.
Stress can affect how you sleep, how you feel and how you function during the day.
Your Healthy Connections primary care provider can be a place to begin if stress, anxiety, sleep problems or other concerns are affecting your daily life.
You do not have to know exactly what kind of help you need before starting the conversation.
Tell your healthcare provider what has been happening.
That conversation may lead to recommendations for changes you can make yourself, further evaluation or a referral for behavioral healthcare when appropriate.
Healthy Connections provides care for the whole person, and emotional well-being is part of that picture.
When You Need More Support
Sometimes holiday stress is temporary.
Sometimes it reveals something that has been building for much longer.
If worry, anxiety, sadness or other emotional concerns are making everyday life difficult, professional behavioral healthcare may help.
Evolve Behavioral Health Services provides therapy, counseling, psychiatric medication management and other behavioral health services for patients across Arkansas. Telehealth appointments are also available for appropriate behavioral health care.
Evolve’s team includes licensed mental health professionals and psychiatric mental health nurse practitioners who work with patients facing anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship concerns and other behavioral health needs.
You do not need to wait until things become a crisis before asking for help.
For information or appointments with Evolve Behavioral Health Services, call 800-409-6250 or visit https://www.evolvebhs.com/.
Medicare Covers Certain Outpatient Mental Health Services
For older adults with Medicare, behavioral healthcare can also be part of covered healthcare.
Medicare Part B covers a range of outpatient mental health services, including certain individual and group psychotherapy, family counseling when its purpose is to help with treatment, psychiatric evaluation, medication management and other eligible services.
Coverage requirements and patient costs can vary.
Medicare also notes that outpatient mental health services may be provided by several types of eligible professionals, including psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, clinical social workers, marriage and family therapists, mental health counselors and certain other qualified providers.
For current Medicare coverage information, visit:
Patients should verify their individual coverage and expected costs before receiving services.
Caregivers and Family Members Feel Holiday Stress, Too
The holidays can be especially demanding for people caring for aging parents, spouses or other family members.
There may be appointments to coordinate, medications to manage, transportation to arrange and family expectations to navigate at the same time.
If that sounds familiar, remember that caregivers have health needs too.
Pay attention to changes in your own sleep, mood, patience and energy. Make time for medical appointments you may have been postponing. Ask other family members for specific help instead of trying to manage every responsibility yourself.
Healthy Connections offers healthcare services across Arkansas that can help patients and families stay connected with primary care, behavioral health, dental care and other services.
For older adults looking for a healthcare home, our guide to healthcare for seniors in Arkansas also explains how primary care can help connect different parts of your healthcare.
Different Views Can Still Share the Same Table
Families do not have to agree about everything to care about one another.
You can have strong opinions and still decide not to argue during Thanksgiving dinner.
You can disagree with someone and still ask how they are doing.
You can turn off the news for a few hours.
You can step away from a conversation that is becoming heated.
And you can ask for help when stress begins affecting your health.
This Thanksgiving, the goal does not have to be changing anyone’s mind.
Maybe the goal is simply getting everyone around the same table, eating something good and remembering why you wanted to be together in the first place.
And when someone tries to restart the debate?
Ask what they brought for dessert.
Healthy Connections Is Here When You Need Us
Healthy Connections provides primary care and other healthcare services in communities across Arkansas. If stress, worry, sleep problems or other health concerns are affecting your everyday life, talk with your medical team.
For Healthy Connections information or appointments, call 888-710-8220 or visit https://healthy-connections.org/.
For counseling, therapy, psychiatric medication management or other behavioral health services through Evolve Behavioral Health Services, call 800-409-6250 or visit https://www.evolvebhs.com/.
You do not have to wait for a crisis to ask for support.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I avoid political arguments at Thanksgiving?
Consider setting expectations before the gathering, changing the subject when an unproductive debate begins and stepping away temporarily if a conversation becomes heated. You can disagree without trying to resolve every difference during a holiday meal.
Can stress affect sleep?
Yes. Stress and persistent worry can make it more difficult to relax and sleep. If sleep problems or anxiety are regularly affecting your daily life, discuss them with a healthcare professional.
Does Medicare cover counseling?
Medicare Part B covers certain outpatient mental health services, including eligible psychotherapy and counseling services. Coverage requirements and costs vary. Visit Medicare.gov or contact Medicare for information about your individual coverage.
Does Healthy Connections offer behavioral healthcare?
Yes. Evolve Behavioral Health Services provides therapy, counseling, psychiatric medication management and other behavioral healthcare through Healthy Connections. Call 800-409-6250 for information or appointments.
Do I need to be in crisis before seeking behavioral health support?
No. Behavioral healthcare can help with stress, anxiety, depression, relationship concerns and other challenges before they reach a crisis point.